jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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