i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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