I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
