ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize