M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Four minutes until I can fart!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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