Your face is a jimmy john
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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