I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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