Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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