i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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