this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
