Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
