I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i think i just lost a toe
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
