My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
