I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
