yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
