her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
