I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
