My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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