i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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