Sponge bath it is.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
