I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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