Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
