If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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