I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
