he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
