He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
