I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
