i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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