sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
