Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
