Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize