he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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