I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
