We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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