he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
