don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm really busy with my period
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