How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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