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Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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