batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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