She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
