I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
