Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
