Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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