whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
