I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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