why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
