32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Houston, we have a blender
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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