the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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