You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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