yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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