just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
