I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
