Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
