part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
