I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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