More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
