Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Someone came in the potted fern
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize