I'll bet she douches with gravy.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
