dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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