My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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