The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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