I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
