I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize