Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
