the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
