I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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