What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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