Fine. I'll sleep in my office
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
