Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
