you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize