Me too!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
