My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
