I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize