he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
