i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
