If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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