He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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