apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
