Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Life is so much better after having sex.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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