dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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