my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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