My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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