youre lurking in front of me
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I want her autograph on my taint
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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