Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
