Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
