Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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