Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
found the other keg... it's in the tree
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
