he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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