It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize