She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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