So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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