I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
