She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize