Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
