Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
