I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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