i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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