can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
