I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize