Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
