She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
