Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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