i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
