I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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