I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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