3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
