I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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