it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
